


Hijinx

by SinScrivener



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 08:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinScrivener/pseuds/SinScrivener
Summary: @meltingpenguins gave me a prompt about Hastur and Ligurs Toad and Chameleon getting into things as their masters sleep





	Hijinx

Hell for Dukes was all about making sure your underlings did their things and did them right!

Paperwork was done, moods were shitty, everyone under you KNEW they were!

It took a lot out of such important Dukes, especially two well trained Dukes like Hastur and Ligur!

So, today, the two Dukes of Hell chose to haul up in one of the offices they worked in and relax out of mind and sight, talking about nothing, smoking, just enjoying NOT enjoying things, like how BAD their last Tempting was, how such a renowned man growing into power had suddenly taken a drastic turn towards corruption and evil.

He'd be theirs in ten years time~

So, side by side, heads resting together as talk slowed, Ligur rested under Hasturs chin as Hastur held him within his arms and drifted off together, bodies close, as was their breath and heart beats (if Demons had hearts).

In their falling asleep, two creatures popped to life upon their masters heads, a Toad of rather large size and Chameleon of bizarre colors climbed down off their heads and took motion to leave the sleeping men behind.

It was THEIR time to Tempt, FIIINALLY!

Tempting backwards to them in the sense, instead of having someone or thing fall to Lord Satan, they followed Temptation THEY felt and fell for in the end.

And their first order of business was finding the Lord of the Flies! No other creature in Hell tried harassing the flies around their Lords head! Save for Toad and Chameleon!

They'd been caught often but it was to Tempting not to try!

Hastur and Ligur were given their creatures back in as much pieces as they could be found after Dagon picked them off the grounds of their Lords office floor after said Lords flies decimated their forms.

Nevertheless, they kept trying.

Just like Humans, these Animals couldn't help satisfy their own 'sins'.

Everyone knew Duke Hastur and Ligurs creatures and if ANYONE touched them they knew it left a scent which later was followed and the Demon dumb enough to have tried anything was given a veeery painful ass kicking. So, the creatures walked and hopped along undisturbed, even making some feet part what seemed like country sized distances away from them, no one DARED!

Up to Lord Beelzebubs office, a long cold corridor which anyone ungraced to be spoken to about work by their Lord WISHED for just an ass kicking.

Dagon was walking past, unseeing the creatures as they walked, papers in hand, their slick voice magnitude by their clicking sharp teeth, something in speech meant, 'Those two dumbshits are sleeping on the job, that or shagging! Satan give me strength if their shagging and I or Lord Beelzebub finds them!!' But to the creatures walking the opposite way, it was gibberish and kept going.

They really couldn't stop their masters anyway, they did not speak creature and they did not speak.. Speech!

None the wiser, into the Lords damp cold office. It was cold, dark blue, the echoes of the wet walls made it sound of distant screaming, smelled of brimstone, home of one of the Seven Princes of Hell, one of Satan's BEST!

The chair to which their Lord sat was empty right now, but there remained flies, a million files with a million eyes, Lord Beelzebub heard and saw EVERYTHING in Hell because of their flies, a cluster always sworming some place where everything could be taken in.

That's where they needed to be, up upon the desk!

Toad knew Chameleon moved slowly when climbing and waited for it to climb its back, tail curling like a large spring around it until it knew to jump, a tap on the tip of the nose signaled it to leap and up they shot up upon the desk.

Chameleon knew Toad could not blend in and thus, like a shield, stood sideways before it and shifted their colors to that of the desk they now sat upon.

In slow fashion, both creatures marched towards the horned thrown of their Lord, the buzzing louder until they saw their goal.

Spinning in a backwards halo, the flies already knew the office had visitors, Beelzebub out of the office gave the flies allowance to do as they wished with a nod and thus they waited for the animals next few moves before striking.

A million eyes watched the Toad and Chameleon approach, no amount of slow going nor camouflage could save them but again, it was always too great not to try-

Two tongues shot out of two mouths, determination in their speed.

It ended swiftly, painfully for the two animals as the flies dove into the open mouths and tore their victims apart inside out.

With the creatures thoroughly dead, the flies began their slow backwards halo motion, Beelzebub shook their head wherever they were and then watched their world around them in Hell, their million eyes sending them pictures and voices of things going on where they were not.

\---

Two sets of shocked gasps and a body falling to the office floor sounded as Dagon bust open the door where Hastur and Ligur were sleeping and sniffed, nose upwards, "First and foremost you lazy wankers, GET TO WORK!"

Hastur fumbled for purchase, Ligur grabbing his arm trying to help him back up only to fall after him as Dagon screamed again, shocking the two into another fit of terror, "Second, YOUR STUPID CREATURES found their way into our Lords office-"

Both remains of Toad and Chameleon were dusted off Dagons hands and then, with a last snort, they clicked their teeth before turning away, "SHAG SOMEWHERE ELSE! I DON'T NEED TO SEE YOU FUCKING LIKE HUMANS!"

Then, door slamming, Ligur on top of Hastur both looked at their respective animals and sighed before using their demonic possession to resurrect them back to their old forms.

Until they'd been upon their masters heads, this Toad and Chameleon were just that, no ideas of Temptations, Satan, just bugs and breathing and so, before either could scuttle off, Ligur grabbed Toad and Hastur lifted Chameleon and carefully placed them upon one another's heads where they went stone still and quiet.

Together, Hastur now back upon his feet, rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled as Ligur picked up the lost cig and lit it with Hellfire, "Oops?"

He took a drag and handed it to Hastur who agreed, dragging in the cig too, "Ooops!"


End file.
